have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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