like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
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He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
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I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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