I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
