It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
