i jhust puked up my retainher.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
