First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
