i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
