K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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