I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
