she was so not down for the gang bang
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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