I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
