do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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