so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
