Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
