If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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