Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
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