I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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