She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
