just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
