Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
