My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
