just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
