My nipple is on Facebook.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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