Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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