I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
