I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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