my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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