god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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