I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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