Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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