try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
