I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You were trust falling into bushes
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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