i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
please come you make the beer taste better
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
