Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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