when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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