She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
