Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
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