WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
