So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
