i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
