he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
As shirtless as possible
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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