i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
