I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
