just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
