if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
