At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
