i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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