well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You took a bar mat shot.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Randomize
