I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Well I just put wine in my tea
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Randomize
