Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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