My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Randomize
