sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
