i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
