I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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