dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
