I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
