there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
