Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
