He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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