This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
