ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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