No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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