Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
