Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
