Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
