Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
