If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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