WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
