Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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