All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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