I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
