I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
