just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
